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Liquid ASS

This just moved to the top of my holiday gift-buying list:

According to the reviews, this stuff is truly horrifying

I’m generally not all that much into fart humor, but this review got my gears turning:

Jeff S. Grainger (reading, pa)  

Well, i just found out 2 days ago my job was being outsourced. I bought 3 of these bottles and have been making mischief ever since. The best stunt to date was going to the executive area elevator and spraying half the bottle on board, so some new clientel coming in could get some great first impressions of the place. They called two members of the cleaning staff to take out the carpet and wipe the elevator down. So i just made a second trip in the elevator and applied some more. This stuff really smells bad! My next trip will be to discreetly sit in the executive lobby and spray down those oh so fancy leather chairs that the VP’s and higher ups like to use. Perhaps next a trip to the executive board room right before that important teleconference. The possibilities are endless i tell ya. Your guaranteed to get a good laugh out of this stuff.

Oh, yeah.  Smell my pain, motherfuckers!!

As for what I’d like to get, I’m of an age where I mostly only want stuff I need.  Like a newer car, a new fridge, a new microwave.  You know, stuff that no one is going to buy for me.  I kind of pick up the little stuff that I need as I go along, so I’m always at a loss as to anything I need or want.  Even with books I never know what I’m going to read next until I go to the bookstore and browse to see what looks interesting.  Though I did find one thing that would be cool as shit to have:

Artist's less revolting take on "The Human Centipede"

Just looking at this thing gives you the willies, doesn’t it?  Imagine walking out the front door and having one of these staring at you from the porch.  As bad as Liquid ASS may be, I think this would stay with someone a lot longer.  It just looks like a curse, don’t you think?

One of these would be good.  Also.  Too:

Remote-control BRAAAAANES!!

Categories: Uncategorized Tags: ,
  1. December 2, 2010 at 9:56 pm

    So you are comparing Liquid Ass to zombies?

    You are on the list.

  2. B^4
    December 4, 2010 at 3:14 am

    Why not just make your own liquid ass from common household materials?

    • jennofark
      December 5, 2010 at 10:24 pm

      ??? You mean like POOP and piss and dog crap and cat turds etc? According to one of the reviews, this stuff smells like a bathtub filled with crap that has been vomited, pissed, and farted into, with the whole mess being left to fester in the sun for a couple of weeks.

      I’m not going to buy any of it because my gag reflex for bad smells is really, really weak. I can’t go within 100 feet of a heavily-used portopotty without heaving.

  3. BDay
    December 12, 2010 at 10:15 am

    When you visit later this month, we can surely bottle some “Liquid Boy” from around here. Eau du Sock, with overtones of Axe and ripe athletic equipment.

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