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The Asteroid Can’t Come Soon Enough

New TV series, Here Comes Honey Boo-Boo,  premieres on TLC (The “Learning” Channel) this week:

One wonders what we’re supposed to be “learning” from this “learning channel” – or as George W. Bush once said, “Is our children learning?”  If they’re watching TLC, apparently they’re learning about rednecks.  Other current offerings on the channel include “I’m Pregnant at the Same Time as My Teen,” and “American Gypsies.”  Not too long ago, TLC was the midgets and fat people channel, now they’re going full-on white trash.  About the only good thing I can find to say about this is:  thank god these people aren’t from Arkansas; the Duggars (another TLC “learning” opportunity) are enough of an embarrassment for one state.  Sad to say, Beth and Lyta, but these fine specimens are your own – they hail from the great state of Georgia.

Don’t you love how the clip says, “you’ve met Honey Boo-Boo; now meet her family!”  Really?  Do we HAVE to?  I think I could have lived out the rest of my days without seeing a bunch of derping rednecks playing with their belly fat for the cameras.

Another thing from the video clip above that is amusing, in a sick sort of way, is the argument they have about whether or not they’re rednecks.  One of the girls claims they’re not because “we have our TEEF don’t we” (protip:  if you call them TEEF, you might be a redneck), but as you can see in the photo below, no, they not only don’t have all their TEEF, they don’t have all their TEETH, either.  Check out dad “Sugar Bear” in the lower right corner – he seems to be missing a few in the front:

From the blessedly limited amount of “research” I’ve done on the topic, apparently “Sugar Bear” is a chalk miner.  I did not know such a profession existed, though I suppose it’s an appropriately Dickensian occupation for the husband of a 400 pound “Coupon Queen” who enters her child into beauty pageants and dopes her up with a mixture of Mountain Dew and Red Bull to give her an energy boost before she goes on stage.

Seriously folks, it’s all over but the crying.  America had a good run and we should just content ourselves with having made it through almost 250 years before the whole thing fell apart.

  1. August 6, 2012 at 1:13 pm

    Sweet Blood of Jebus!

  2. Ben
    August 7, 2012 at 4:51 pm

    When I was a kid, I would never have watched a show called “Here Comes Honey Boo-Boo” if it didn’t have any talking bears. Nor do I see a reason to start now.

  3. BDay
    August 7, 2012 at 10:35 pm

    Jaffner, I have both a geography lesson and a new word for you tonight. I am guessing this charming clan lives in the mid-section of our fair state, somewhere around the gnat line (aka fall line). That’s where the chalky stuff known as kaolinmakes for a good-sized mining industry.

    It’s tasty, too. Folks in middle Georgia are sometimes called dirteaters because they crave it. The faincy 10-dollar word for that is geophagia.

  4. BDay
    August 7, 2012 at 10:36 pm

    All that aside, I know that this video must be a joke. Something like this would never actually happen … or air on TV … especially on The Learning Channel.

  5. joel hanes
    August 13, 2012 at 9:31 pm

    Read the middle third or of Huck Finn for a clear-eyed view of ordinary Americans in 1850 or so.

    The American character hasn’t changed much in a century and a half, but it has changed some, and much of that change has been for the better. Those of use who’ve been lucky tend to forget the vulgarity of much of America during our younger years, and see such things as this (admittedly awful) show as a symtom of decline.

    But TV once brought us Ma and Pa Kettle, The Real McCoys, and Queen For A Day. Remember? “Pepito! Pepito, where are ye, ye gol-durned lazy Mexican?”

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