Frosty the Pervert
This was one of Hallmark’s offerings this year – the “Jolly in the John” snowman, which freaked out vacuumslayer at her in-laws’ home:
What’s next, the “Shit on Santa” toilet liner? About the best that can be said for this is that at least it doesn’t comment on your business. Though it would be a lot funnier if it did. Imagine a talking snowman with a scent detector: “Whoa, buddy, did you make a late-night Taco Bell run?” or “gack…I’m melting, I’m meltinggggg…”
I remember telling my brother, some 10 years ago, about how I had seen stuffed plush Mr. Hanky dolls at some store, and commenting that Christmas had gotten so over-the-top that people could now literally make a buck off a representation of a turd with a Santa hat. The trend continues.
3 weird sisters 
At Hallmark, we’re not just treacle-pimps … we’re also kind of sick fucks too!
To quote Keanu Reeves:
“Whoa.”
OK, this made me laugh out loud. Did you actually sell that to someone? How about a Talking Peeping Tom doll? “Girl, you’ve gained weight!” Or maybe a St. Christopher’s who spies on you. “Dig a little deeper there — your finger can actually reach your brain.”