Mitt Romney: Gormless Motherfucker

Serendipitous coming so soon after my Labor Day observations:

Sounds like he’s channeling Australian mining heiress Gina Rinehart, doesn’t it?  If all you poors would just step up to the plate and pony up your fair share of the taxes (read:  at a higher rate than Rmoney pays) out of your paltry $20,000 per year earnings, then the noble Job Creators could catch a much-needed break on their taxes.

I can’t wait to see polling numbers at the end of this week.  It’s beginning to look a lot like a landslide.

Awesome Anagram

I just noticed this today.  This guy is so 1%, he’s even got “money” in his name:

Mitt, R-Money

This is so mind-blowingly apropos.  “Mitt, R-Money” –  his name, his political persuasion, and his constituency.

 

There’s got to be several  great bumperstickers lurking in there.  And really, any quarter-billionaire with “money” in his name should be a bit more careful tossing around statements like “I’m not worried about the poor.”

 

For fuck’s sake, Republicans, you might as well nominate the “Monopoly” banker.  I daresay he’s got more charisma and is liked better than what it looks like you’re going to end up with.

 

UPDATE:  I really should have thought of this other angle earlier – maybe it’s R. Money, like R. Kelly.  That would fit too, since like R. Kelly the Mittster is into pissing on people.  Except he refers to it as “trickle down.”

 

Update, also, too:  Apparently the Republicans have decided that the best person to take on Black Hitler™ is The Whitest Man in America™.

Words I’ve learned without even Jaffner’s help

I don’t think I have cheated yet by duplicating a post from my home blog to this one, but these words seem just right to share with my two weird sisters and their online friends.

Choad: A short, fat penis. Specifically, I understand, one that is wider than it is long. Is that possible? And aren’t you glad I didn’t include a photo? Attribution: all the young boys seem to know this one. Maybe it’s a particular horror.

In case of shart, take these away with you to college, or your backpacking summer in Europe or ... ? Available in generic Publix brand.

Cut a chogie: To execute a shortcut, according to a friend who thought it was a “hillbilly” term.  Here’s a very interesting etymological piece that takes it back to the Korean War as a term for hurrying up.

Shart: Something between s*it and fa*t.  My question … Is it like trying to sh*t and only farting? Or is it like farting and accidentally leaving bacon strips in your whitey tighties?

Spizzerinctum:  Chutzpah, guts, nerve, backbone. Determination, ardor, zeal. As in a friend’s praise to her choir, “You really sang with “spizzerinctum!”

Humph. Sounds like a cross between sphincter and rectum, with a little sizzle thrown in for good measure. I bet all you Sadly, No Friends of Jen can come up with a better definition here.

My Idea, Let Me Show You It

Via Balloon Juice we hear that Bill “Reverse-Cassandra” Kristol is hard at work trying to convince the conservative intelligentsia, such as it is, that Sarah Palin’s latest word-flub, refudiate, should become an accepted part of our language.

In true Kristol form, he omits important context, suggesting that Palin’s error occured in the “heat of the tweeting moment.”  Which would be plausible, if not for the fact that she had used the exact same non-word the day before in a segment on Fox News.

People are prone to mispronouncing words they’ve seen in print but are not familiar with hearing in spoken language.  But when you follow up a “mispronunciation” by writing out the non-word, it becomes quite clear that you’re not aware that it isn’t a word.  People who read a lot and encounter words they don’t usually use in speech still know how the words are spelled.  You’d expect that someone who reads “all of ’em” would have encountered the particular word she was flailing for; clearly she had not.

It seems obvious to me that what happened was that Our Sarah picked up a bright-n-shiny new word object, floated it as a trial balloon on O’Reilly’s show, and since no one pointed out to her that it wasn’t a word, she decided to use it again right away.  After all, those multi-syllable words make you sound smart and all of that, you betcha.

After the twit tweeted her new word toy and the feedback ridicule started pouring in in response, she deleted the tweet – then came back a bit later with the Pee-Wee Herman “I meant to do that” defense, comparing herself to perhaps the most prolific English-word inventor…William Shakespeare.

Look, I’m not a dead-language proponent here – I make up words and constructions all the time myself.  The difference is, I know when I’m doing it (see “smited”).  Is it really too much to ask that the people who invent our new words be fluent and literate in the language they are “improving” with their modifications?

But back to Kristol:  first off, Billy, no matter what you do, no matter what you say, Sarah is never, ever, ever, going to touch your penis.  This is a fool’s errand you’re on here, and while I can’t think of anyone better to carry out a fool’s errand, let’s not get our hopes up too high, mmmkay?  Secondly, if there is anyone who decidely does NOT need the help of a guy who’s always wrong, it would be Sarah Palin.  She can manage “wrong” all by herself.

So let’s put your efforts to something a bit more useful – something that will both satisfy your Palin-stroking … urges, while at the same time, help give a boost to Sarah’s newest constituency, the “Mama Grizzlies.”  I think they need a logo, some public brand to appeal to all those Mama Grizzly-wannabees out there.  Something not too ferocious – the name covers that angle – but something cuddly, non-threatening, appealing, and approachable.  Something … like this:

Mama Grizzlies for Palin

So whaddya say, Bill?  You’ve been the shit-Svengali behind Sarah’s inexplicable rise to political stardom; she trusts your judgement and will welcome your input on this.  For our part, we’ll be happy to give the image to you, and the Mama Grizzlies, gratis – and since it wasn’t your idea to begin with, the odds are pretty good that it’s not a wrong one.  We know how much it means to you to be able to provide the sure-footed guidance and support Sarah will need as she flails her way towards 2012.  All you’ve gotta do is pick up the ball and run with it.

Please, please, run with it.