Variations On The “Scat Santa” Theme

You want pictures?  I got your pictures RIGHT HERE!

Continuing the “Scat Santa” theme, we have the following:

Holiday treats – from Santa’s ass!

Apparently Santa poops candy canes

There’s a lot more stuff based on Santa’s ass and what comes out of it, but I’ll spare you the rest.  Besides, I’ve got better stuff in reserve, which I will be rolling out as the season progresses.  You’re just gonna have to wait for it, bitches!

 

I Detect A Theme

Apparently there are some folks out there who can’t think of Santa without also thinking of shit:

This is being offered for sale at Wal-Mart.  You know, the fine folks who safeguard our “family values” by refusing to sell Harry Potter books. 

Somehow I fail to see how someone saying “Happy Holidays” instead of “Merry Christmas” is a cause for outraged butthurt, while turning Santa into the Shithouse Troll is not. 

Scuse….mah….FINGAHS!!!, indeed.

I fully expect to see a new inflatable appear on the market next year, featuring Santa with his pants around his ankles, sodomizing Rudolph.  Whose nose, of course, will light up in sync with Santa’s rhythm.

Have Yourself A Scatalogical Christmas

When Beth posted the gif of the Christmas decoration of the guy whipping another guy, I was worried that nothing could top that for holiday tastelessness.

I needn’t have worried. 

Remember last year, when I posted this video:

…and then rhetorically asked, “what’s next, the “Shit on Santa” toilet liner?”

I shouldn’t have tempted fate.  Behold, Scat Santa:

Even worse than shitting on Santa….

 I’m not going to comment further on this, because I don’t want to make things even worse.  Ok, yes I am.  One wonders if this appears in the home of someone who once threatened Santa with “I’m going to rip off your head and shit down your neck!” after receiving an unwanted gift.

Lord Of The Lies

If it weren’t for the rapidly-approaching ground, this stupid debt ceiling impasse free-fall we’re in could be quite entertaining, because the cracks are beginning to show.

In what sounds like a “we can do it, yes we can!” pep rally for House Republicans, there’s this oddity reported by the Washington Post:

House Majority Whip Kevin McCarthy (R-Calif.), the party’s vote counter, began his talk by showing a clip from the movie, “The Town”, trying to forge a sense of unity among the independent-minded caucus.

One character asks his friend: “I need your help. I can’t tell you what it is. You can never ask me about it later.”

“Whose car are we gonna take,” the character says.

After showing the clip, Rep. Allen West (R-Fla.), one of the most outspoken critics of leadership among the 87 freshmen, stood up to speak, according to GOP aides.

“I’m ready to drive the car,” West replied, surprising many Republicans by giving his full -throated support for the plan.

Then today, there’s this from Politico:

House Republicans 0n Wednesday morning were calling for the firing of Republican Study Committee staffers after they were caught sending e-mails to conservative groups urging them to pressure GOP lawmakers to vote against a debt proposal from Speaker John Boehner (R-Ohio).

Infuriated by the e-mails from Paul Teller, the executive director of the RSC, and other staffers, members started chanting “Fire him, fire him!” while Teller stood silently at a closed-door meetings of House Republicans.

“It was an unbelievable moment,” said one GOP insider. “I’ve never seen anything like it.” 

Well, I have … it was this scene:

Or perhaps this one:

In any case, I predict we’ll be here by Saturday at the latest:

That’s Boehner in the role of Piggy; Eric Cantor is portrayed by the kid with the modified jewfro who levers the huge boulder off the cliff, while the other fools on the hill represent the Teabag Caucus.

There’s that old back-handed curse about living in interesting times; I don’t think this qualifies.  I think we’re suffering under the much more pernicious curse of living in stupid times.

Tear The Roof Off The Sucker

As the saying goes, there’s nothing new under the sun.  While navigating through this Republican-created debt ceiling “crisis”, we find this satisfying example of how our medieval forebears dealt with the political intransigence of the College of Cardinals in selecting a new pope:

They tore the roof off the sucker

Palazzo dei Papi

Located in the attractive Piazza San Lorenzo, the Palazzo dei Papi or Palazzo Papale (Papal Palace) is a striking reminder of this town’s former importance. Built between 1255 and 1267 to house the popes who had sought refuge in Viterbo, its most striking feature is an elegant seven-arched loggia. The small courtyard behind these interlocking arches is also pretty, with a lion-bedecked fountain and views out towards the city walls.

One of the best stories about the Viterbo popes is of an election for the papacy in 1268. 18 cardinals dutifully assembled in the bishop’s palace, but after a year and a half they still hadn’t managed to choose between candidates. The Viterbesi, exasperated, locked the cardinals in their conclave (the word comes from the Latin ‘with key’), reduced them to bread and water rations and even removed the roof of the palace. Eventually the cardinals made their decision, but it had taken nearly three years – the longest ever conclave.

It seems worth a try – just peel back the roof of the House and let them all sit in there and bake until they’re ready to do something.  I’d like to embellish the plan, though, with the option to throw poop on them through the open roof.

Because Otherwise No One Would Eat It…

The 16 Major Food Groups

Today is National Junk Food Day.  In recognition, un homage.

Dear Fucking Spammers…

Have you noticed that none of your bullshit is showing up in the comments? 

Feel free to continue wasting your time.  As for “last one to utilize this,” all you are “utilizing” is our spam filter.

Funniest Damn Story I’ve Read in Forever

My nephew is visiting this week, and he reminded me of this story I had told him about before, which literally reduced me to tears. 

It’s Arthur Bradford’s The Bet from Created In Darkness By Troubled Americans:  The Best Of McSweeney’s Humor Category, and it’s helpfully shown in its entirety at the link (less than 3-1/2 pages, so yes, you DO have time to read it).

As to why I find it so hysterically funny… it’s like a lot of what I find hysterically funny:  it all devolves from a premise completely lacking in reason or rationality – kind of like that “freak camping accident” that wiped out the Shithouse Troll’s entire family while he was in the campground latrine, thereby driving him insane and turning him into the Shithouse Troll.  Because, you know, exactly what kind of “freak camping accident” could that possibly have been?

Which reminds me…I’ve been meaning for quite some time to post this artist’s rendition of the Shithouse Troll.  I believe Xecky Gilchrist is the responsible party, but it’s been a couple of years so if I got that wrong, please step forward and claim your laurels:

Scuse mah finGAHS

Also, too:  the version with audio can be found here.  Turn down your speakers before checking it out, especially if you’re at work.

And let me know if you find The Bet as funny as I do.

Queen for the Day

Happy bday, BDay!  Here’s your Queen for the day:

…and even MOAR QUEEN for the day: 

…plus just for fun, Cookie the ticklish baby penguin:

HBO is celebrating the special occasion with the season 2 premiere of Treme:

…and because it’s Easter today as well:

…courtesy of The Poorman, who we sure wish would come back to the Five & Dime, Jimmy Dean, Jimmy Dean.

Anyway, here’s hoping your birthday is a happy one, and that the Easter Bunny poops out a finished kitchen remodel for you.

One Wonders What Else He Tainted

It could be worse.  It could have been a headline about him wiping his taint.